Atheism

This post is not about whether or not God exists. I'm way past that.
My story is as good as yours. I was born into an orthodox family with religious views even on rats and shit. My mom is genuinely more broad minded and she has had her stint with agnosticism. Sadly, she's a believer now!
I played along the nuances of religion and belief to accommodate myself into a social strata where god-loving or god-fearing people are respected and I did gain some respect too. The questions within, however, never stopped.
A lot of things made me drift away from the hard-lines of faith and deep into agnosticism. Theism is easy. You can attribute everything you cant reason to God. That makes it very easy for your brain. Agnosticism is difficult. You feel like a cat on the wall. You cannot take definitive steps, actions or even have hard opinions to defend your logic. You are left at the mercy of your brain to either accept something you've been told for 20 odd years or step away gracefully citing obvious discomfort. It is painful. Honest. "I do not believe in a God but I'm scared if he's there" said Bernadshaw (world famous cunt)
Then comes a tryst with acceptance. This, if paired with some amount of reading, exchange of views with people, might help you take a stronger stance. Even if it turns you to faith. I announced it and did so loudly. I'm an atheist. Its a wonderful paradox. Atheists are people who dont believe in a God who they already believe doesn't exist. The parody here is not just on reason but also on the social nature of all atheists. I choose science to give me answers; even if I have to wait for it. Atheism is beautiful. Its not dark. Its easy, liberating, reasonable yet sinfully boring and difficult to live with in a society which thinks of atheists as the devil's reincarnation. :)
I would attribute some of this acceptance to yet another paradox; Nihilism. And woohoo to that!

I'm not preaching atheism because religion, in my opinion was started to unify people and that is necessary. Maintenance of a social fabric is important to procreate, evolve and most importantly develop. If your reason can accept that and also atheism, welcome to my world!

I can today joke about God or even swear at him without any major guilt. Atheism is like homosexuality. You take pride once you accept and flaunt it nevertheless. But its not absolute and it will never be.