Atheism

This post is not about whether or not God exists. I'm way past that.
My story is as good as yours. I was born into an orthodox family with religious views even on rats and shit. My mom is genuinely more broad minded and she has had her stint with agnosticism. Sadly, she's a believer now!
I played along the nuances of religion and belief to accommodate myself into a social strata where god-loving or god-fearing people are respected and I did gain some respect too. The questions within, however, never stopped.
A lot of things made me drift away from the hard-lines of faith and deep into agnosticism. Theism is easy. You can attribute everything you cant reason to God. That makes it very easy for your brain. Agnosticism is difficult. You feel like a cat on the wall. You cannot take definitive steps, actions or even have hard opinions to defend your logic. You are left at the mercy of your brain to either accept something you've been told for 20 odd years or step away gracefully citing obvious discomfort. It is painful. Honest. "I do not believe in a God but I'm scared if he's there" said Bernadshaw (world famous cunt)
Then comes a tryst with acceptance. This, if paired with some amount of reading, exchange of views with people, might help you take a stronger stance. Even if it turns you to faith. I announced it and did so loudly. I'm an atheist. Its a wonderful paradox. Atheists are people who dont believe in a God who they already believe doesn't exist. The parody here is not just on reason but also on the social nature of all atheists. I choose science to give me answers; even if I have to wait for it. Atheism is beautiful. Its not dark. Its easy, liberating, reasonable yet sinfully boring and difficult to live with in a society which thinks of atheists as the devil's reincarnation. :)
I would attribute some of this acceptance to yet another paradox; Nihilism. And woohoo to that!

I'm not preaching atheism because religion, in my opinion was started to unify people and that is necessary. Maintenance of a social fabric is important to procreate, evolve and most importantly develop. If your reason can accept that and also atheism, welcome to my world!

I can today joke about God or even swear at him without any major guilt. Atheism is like homosexuality. You take pride once you accept and flaunt it nevertheless. But its not absolute and it will never be.

the kill

my views, opinions and thoughts are getting too depressing for me. i do not wish to inflict the misdoings of my brain onto the otherwise happy and gay online community i seem to have stumbled upon. i wish things were rosier. they aren't.
i would also like to mention and admit the writer's block i seem to have hit. nothing wacky, tacky, witty, spiffy seems to come out of me any more. it again, ftw, is by virtue of the gooey life i'm living.
this is my last post on this blog. the pretencebrains is a lost portfolio.
but before you take me off your blogroll or feeds, let me tell you something...

"FUCK YOU! fuck all of you who wish to have a life of happiness with your family, extended family and friends and so fucking on. fuck all those of you who want to wake up to petals of roses lying on your morning mist coloured treadmill. fuck all those of you who seem to have taken an interest in every idiot's personal life. brangelina my ass! fuck all those of you who think weed and liqour are the answers to everything in life. grow the fuck up. fuck you racists and fuck you rebels. fuck the sex-starved nerds who think their brain-tags will carry them into bliss and cameron diaz's lap. fuck the politicos and their biriyani-chai chamchas. fuck the northies, southies, east indians and chuts. your city smells of shit too. fuck you righteous centrists and irrational right supporters. fuck the commies. shove the sickle up your butt! fuck the american dream. no caucasian is ever going to think you're hot. fuck the successful, unsuccessful, ignorant and depressed souls who think rock is the redemption. fuck the fashionista fools. why is pink in again? what happens if your louis vuitton shoes get some shit on em? fuck all those of you who got a job. woohoo, a round of applause for the 3x3 cubicle our man just won over a million chuts! fuck those of you who dint get any job. chuts i said! fuck the party animals in thier shiny, fancy neon light cars who cant even spell champagne. p3 is for the funnies! fuck you old-city dick-heads who think modified bikes bring out the coolness quotient in you. shove some guthka up your piehole. fuck you creative types. and your opinions over the motherfuckin zoozoos. fuck the cricket team. fuck every team there is. fuck the dead. fuck the theists. fuck the lucid lovers of luck, fuck the happy-go-lucky types and your ATTITUDE!..
fuck me!
fuck you!

The Right Type of TV

Yeah yeah.. i know its been long but who gives a hoot?!
I'm done with my engineering and am back home. Amidst all career based confusion, wacky-ass job offers, educational prospects, familial obligations, hanging out, gate-crashing weddings (which cannot be classified as hanging-out) lies BOREDOM! And the cure cannot be defined for individuals who fail to either enjoy or comprehend 'interesting' things, people and events.
[Let me warn you, this post may not be witty. At all!]
Okay let me be easy. I don't mind the internet, some cartoons and sitcoms, eating, driving and drinking.
Coming to the point, I'm a victim of FTV. No..i'm not talking of the impression that scantily clad women leave on a 21 yr old's brain. I'm speaking of Forced-Television-Viewing. See, I have a problem. The dining table and couch in my drawing room are placed in comfortable viewing distance from the Television Set. Hence, someone who's sitting at the couch or eating cannot ignore the 178 degree viewing angle, 42 inch plasma screen thats the only source of sound in the room. And besides, there's women on it all the time. (Talk about FTv)
My mother, a retd. banker is for some reason choosing to avoid better ways to pass time and succumb to the floral, glossy and colorful hues and tunes of the Indian telly Industry! As much as i hate to, i do happen to catch a few glimpses of the same and repent every single minute of it. Most of em are the 'saas-bahu' type. Over 20 Hindi (thankfully, my mom avoids telugu, kannada and marathi) channels run over 15 drama series (popularly known as serials) through the day. Most of em have the stereotypes that we all at some point or the other have observed, par example:
1) The good bahu and saans are clad in drab and sad clothes whereas the vamp has glittery, short clothes, jeans et al.
2) The usage of jarring background music is made to signify a 'twist in the tale'.
3) The sitar or veena or temple bells are used to show the victory of good over evil.
4) The good bahu rushes to the Krishna ki murti every time she or her family is in trouble.
5) Ofcourse, we know the regulars like after-life, plastic surgery, return from death and shit like that.
Now this is common to all the 15 X 20 serials. The only difference lies in the number of words in the names of these serials and the permutation and combinaition of words related to women, weddings and arbit crap of that sort. You can probably observe the rise in anguish with detail in my post.

Now, we have seen what these serials have and do. Let me bring to your notice the recent developments that the respected ministers are bothering us with. The interest in moral policing over governance is evident amongst most of our respected ministers. I know the party in power is not a 'right' party but I was always of the opinion that moral policing has been more of a right concept. The ministers are moving the house to ban pubs coz they apparently cause usage of drugs and westernisation. They want Jeans and t-shirts, mobile phones banned in colleges, etc coz they all, again, cause loss in morality, crime, arbit nonsense.

This regressive retardation can be observed only in these political propogandas or television serials. I wonder if either take inspiration from the other. This is talibanisation. Does ANYbody agree?

Btw, did i mention I almost tried for a job as a creative producer for a telugu reality show? FUCK!

lots of much required love

Livestock

That's an amazingly bad attempt at a pun to indicate that I'm taking stock of my life. Yes, again! Graduation has almost come to an end and so has the free-spree. By free-spree, I mean I'm going back to being answerable about my whereabouts, money, preferences, actions, habits and whatnot. There ends my time. well, at least I have food to look up to. And of course the grand escape from this shithole.
All through 10th, 12th and Engg, we knew how much time was left to finish the course. Now, we start taking up jobs. With no visible end. Repugnant workspace atmosphere, low paychecks, dissatisfaction, office politics and the worst of em al, work! For how long man!?!
In a few days, i can start calling myself a computer engineer. Nothing big by social standards but personally, this is the roof. Although I feel guilty for looking forward to accepting the degree, it also feels good that there must be a considerable number of people who still desire what I have. Its that time of the course where people want to feel nostalgic about what was. I fail as does my nostalgia to come up with anything worthwhile that I've done or achieved in the last 4 years. Fuck this place. Good riddance to bad rubbish.Yeah, the college probably thinks of us the same way too.:P
What's making me do this? A few days back, I saw a pic of a friend on orkut having lunch at the school reunion. Amongst various other pictures of the school which should've yet again provoked any nostalgia from me, only this caught the eye. It was the food! It was the well laid out food on the table and the caption that said 'yummm'. It only brought to my attention how much I've lost in terms of social standing. Its been a constant downward spiral. Social circle, popularity, hairline, confidence, intelligence (I dont know how), class, etc...have all taken a plunge for the worse. Anyways, I'm trying to console myself with strange, irrelevant facts and substances. But this phase is temporary and I know it. I will have to go out and project all that I have in order to conceal all that I don't. Its how things work I guess; but then again, its my guess.
My hobbies have died. Every single one of them. And blame it on the rustiness, I now suck at whatever I used to like doing. My path is not less chosen. Its never chosen. My choices won't help me do anything but survive and sustain. My interests do not have a standing of any sort. I'm going back to fate, faith and fucking up! I don't regret it. I cant if i ever want to hold on to any amount of self-respect I have. But If i can trust 'que sera sera', I'm a happy person. Trust! Happy-go-lucky or some shite of that sort fits better. Remember, shite!
Look at the word Livestock. Its like you're put into a cage and made to forcefully breed. People run your life for you and in turn expect, hope and live on it. Your failure will only feature in the battle for survival.
I need to cock-up!

love is too far-fuckin-fetched!

Note:

Am unable to post regularly coz of a sad technical snag.
A short update on what's up on my end:

• Classes have become horrendously boring.
• My interview at TFI was ok. Now awaiting results.
• Project work is facing multiple blocks.
• I have not shaved in ages.
• I have accepted Nihilism as my way of life. Minus cruelism ofcourse.
• I can't wait to get out of this shithole.
• Am seeing a steady rise in levels of stupidity around me.
• Bangalore was lotsa fun. Thank you seniors.
  

zeitgeist or something like that

there's one line.
through society...through the world.
we are neither above it nor below.
we believe we are.
on basis of comparison.
bigger, richer, superior,
smaller, poorer, inferior..

relativity flipped life.

the art of inequality unfolds
we are all artists.
nobody above the line..nobody below.

years to become the best.
years to become better.
years not to realize.
children of prophecies
myths of reality..of religion.
unimpressive truth and guilt-free lies!
longing to win..longing to beat.
i come before us..to solicit blood
blood that belongs to me
for i believe
i'm either above the line or below

disregard, hatred we understand
forced unison is the zenith of division.
this we don't comprehend.
weak minds..weaker beliefs.
superlative power struggle
shouting, screaming, bellowing
what we hate but long to hear
what we rule out but always fear
the shine of god
the wrath of the trident
i've hurt my reign.
i'm going to fall
on the line but not below!

Velleness Redifined!

I came across this article by Shobhaa De in The Week.

http://week.manoramaonline.com/cgi-bin/MMOnline.dll/portal/ep/theWeekContent.do?BV_ID=@@@&contentType=EDITORIAL&sectionName=TheWeek%20Columns&programId=1073755417&contentId=4950073

I usually say the country is going to dogs. Now I say, its going to bitches


lots of much required love